Posted in Free Write

Free Write 042216

There are things and hope and hopes and dreams. Flashing by my mind like little golden fish in a tiny pond and then splashing out of reach upon the line of a selfish fisher. flailing on shore and gasping for breath, I silently cry out but none there seem to notice the suffering of my drowning in air. I flop and hope that I can flick myself back into the silver flow of falling water, but I am lost and they hold me out to each other as I die. Then it is done and I am gone. There are some many things in life that play out that way. But I look up into the blazing sun and I am blinded by the glory of the the fire. The moon is a silky smooth white mass in the dark sky that shrowds it in clowds like guaze and vapor. Nothing real within the night sky. Shattered crystal sprinkled across the crushed black rock and I call them stars, but they are more like the goddess tears from the lost little fishes that she know suffer and are gone. But she scoops them up and slides them back into her stream of life and from there they are born again. rising up as a man or running across the feild as a stallion or soaring through the blue ocean of the sky as a powerful hunting bird. There is no edn in our demise. A door shuts and another one opens wide. A life ends and another begins. Each soul passing from this flesh and into another. The long circle that brings all death back into life. Her hands hold each in  a cradled palm and offers a single kiss of blessing before they are sent back, for nothing stays. But oh how I long to stay, there in her arms to be embraced for all the time of living and I wish to die again so that I can have that single moment in her hand’s embrace. Please, let me die and not be born again for she is my only lover, my one dream and hope for all that is in being. I am a fool that I would give all  my lives for her since she can love one no more then another. In her eyes we are all the same. A single drop of water within the mighty ocean of her life generating oceans. Salt that clings to her fingers and she washes off. I am nothing that she knows beyond through simpathy. But I love her and long for the union of my soul as a part of her being that will never fall away. And splash. I am back in the water. Powerful tail pushing me forward and fin cutting through the surface as I scent out my prey. My heavy jaws crush down on the flesh and I send on back, but I do not remember. No, it is back to just this life. Just the taste of this blood and flesh. Just the fear of death and the hunger that is ever driving me. I move again and I swim. I am old and the time comes. With the final closing of my eyes I recall all the other trips I have made through this place and I suffer. There is no greater suffering then this knowing and the coming forgetting. If I never knew then it would be possible to have joy. But this knowing is like a cutting knife that slays me with each dying. I look up at her and I glory in all that she is. But her hea does not bnow and she does not kiss me. Simple thing. She whispers, but it is a booming within every part of my being. Her voice is that of all creation and it wakes me to a new sort of living. Life without flesh and yet I feel more real. She raises my crumbled soul up to her eyes and stares at me for a brief eternal moment and I am afraid. Have I shriveled to the point of nothing? Will she cast me aside to the obilivion outside the waters? Or is that place a myth and legend created from the fear we earn from our mulitiple deaths? She breaths upon me in a thin puff and I shiver. I am a quaking mass knowing fear and dread. Yet I am full of longing to remain in this place. I love her and it is everything that she has noticed me. Everything that I am at ther center of her attention. I would give all I am for this to be the last moement of my existence. And that is granted.

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Author:

I am Myself I am a Wife Blessed with love I am a Mother Endowed with divinity Through the power of creation I am a Daughter Brought into this world With unending hope And the promise of the future I am a Sister Made fierce and strong While forged with kindness Protector and protected Spiraling together forever I am a Nurse Holding out the hands of healing And offering the sick comfort And the dying love Knowing that through this All things are healed and made whole I am a Writer Creating myself and world Sharing the inner depths of humanity Bringing together the divine And the humble mortal I tell the story of the Goddess And am remembered forever

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